Why Do Millennials Hate “Dating”?

It goes a lot like this: You meet a guy at a bar. You totally hit it off, exchange numbers, and the rest is history. You go on to talk every day, hang out, learn about them, and their secrets. It seems nice. The normal person would think this is it– this is what I’ve been waiting for, right?

Wrong. 

As much as this seems like a relationship, you’re wrong. It has recently come to my attention, that when I talk about dating, I cringe. I stop in my tracks, and get very uncomfortable. I don’t want to talk about what seems like a relationship, because it’s totally not. That guy I’m talking to? Yea he’s cool, but he’s not my boyfriend.

That brings me to my main question: Why do millennials HATE the idea of dating?

Since, I am not a man, I can’t really speak for them. I’ve been in the “scene” for a while now, and there are a few types of guys out there. The first one, we’re going to call him Tom. Tom likes to have fun, and get crunk on the weekends. Tom likes to call the girl he is best friends with on SnapChat at 2 in the morning after a long night at the bar, just to see if she wants to sleep over. The girl of course says yes, and Tom gets what he wants– everyone is happy. Although Tom thinks about this girl everyday, he doesn’t want to take things to the next level, because he still wants to play the field. Tom is cool, we like Tom (Well, I do at least… But I’ll get to this problem in a second.

The second type of guy here, we’ll call him John. John so desperately likes a girl, and because of this, he puts time in. He pursues, and asks her to hang out. John asks the girl he likes on dates, and holds her hand in public. John wants the world to know THIS GIRL IS HIS. Most girls would fall for John in a second, but that’s what he wants. He loves relationships, he loves love. Why are there so many Johns in the world, and so many girls that don’t want him? John wants commitment, but the girl doesn’t.

Here are two very different types of men, but from experience, most girls want the Tom. They want the man that is too cool for school, will string them along until things plateau. WHY?

Tom makes the hook-up culture appealing, he makes things new and fresh each time you see him. Things get boring with John– it’s almost routine. Millennials don’t want the commitment, we want new and fun.

I like relationships; I sometimes even call myself a hopeless romantic. Wanting the Tom at the moment doesn’t make me a hypocrite. It makes me yearn for the John eventually, and I am constantly thinking of a man who can combine both personalities.

Being in college, the hook-up culture is at an all time high. Sometimes starting that relationship is just at bad timing, and that’s OK. Just because others want/need that relationship lifestyle, does not mean you need to hop along the bandwagon.

Why do we cringe at the thought of relationships? Because we cringe at commitment.

Why do we cringe at defining a relationship? Because defining means commitment, as I have already stated, we don’t like that.

 

 

Friends with Benefits-The Human Jungle

As a college senior, I have had my fair share of emotions—some wanted, and more unwanted. I have had ups and downs, and inside outs, but I’ve never been the type of person to want to find my true love in college. I just never had the urge—it seemed pointless (and still does kind of, if I’m being honest).

I’ve always thought of college as a place to go to class, join lots of clubs, have fun with your friends on the weekends, and make the moments count. For me, those moments did not consist of having a boyfriend, breaking up, finding a new boyfriend, etc., you get where I am going (I’ve never understood people that get out relationship, only to find a new one two weeks later, like what are you doing?)

Two years ago, I wrote an article on the infamous title of the dating term, “friends with benefits.” To this day, I wrap my head around that term so crazily, that my head almost falls off trying to figure it out. I still think of the term FwB and relate it to one of my favorite movies, with of course the title Friends with Benefits—fitting right? Well, if you haven’t seen the movie, it stars Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, and they work together, sleep together, and catch real feelings for each other (without telling one another), and then they fight, and of course it ends with some crazy love scene in Grand Central Station, NY, and Justin tells Mila he DOES want to be with her forever and ever and ever. *cue throw-up emoji. Stop. The whole point of the movie was to portray FRIENDS with BENEFITS. That means SEX.

College students LOVE the idea of “staying” friend and having sex. It’s like engrained in our heads that this is the way life should be, until your mid-thirties when you are finally like, “damn, I let my whole young life pass me by, and I’m still single.”

You don’t see “Friends with Benefits” as a Facebook relationship status, do you? No, because it’s a made up thing some college frat boy made up ages ago.

Being in a ‘no strings attached’ relationship with someone has guidelines and rules. You can’t just go up to a random stranger and be like “sleep with me!”…Well maybe you can, but here is the link to get tested. STD Testing Information here.

Like I said, there needs to be guidelines for this made up relationship status. Click here for those said guidelines…Trust me, you need them.

Glamour magazine has basically god writers for anything revolving around sex, and they have 10 rules of being friends with benefits. FWB can be hard for some people, as depicted in the movie. Some people catch feelings quickly, and some are not on the same page, so it’s ok to talk to your partner about what is going on (preferably after sexy time). You are friends, you know.

Make sure you know that friends with benefits usually do stem from friendship, and if you decide to stop the whole thing, be aware that your friendship might suffer because of this. Try not to get too emotionally attached, to the point where you can never let go

If you’re in college, have fun. If you’re out of college, have fun. Just know friend with benefits is either for you or against you—you have to be the judge of that.

xxx-Meghan

Sexist Jokes Need to Stop

I am a feminist—I always have been. Every aspect of my life has lead me to standing up for the inequality that women face, and the justice we deserve. In today’s society, that justice seems near far away, due to the power our male counterpart exemplifies. I am never one to shove my opinions down someone else’s throat but sexist jokes need to STOP. For examples, a man joking around with his buddies at a bar with cheap beer states, “I like my violence like I like my beer: domestic.” or “What do you tell a women with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.” NO! What part of those sentences are ok? A man will usually defend himself with “it was just a joke,” but no, that’s not funny- I don’t see the punch-line. This impacts women’s lives and jokes like these are offensive to most people—key word: most.

Sexist jokes are not funny—they’re hostile. In my opinion, people who laugh at these types of jokes are just as a problem as the people telling them. According to a research study done by Western Carolina University, a psychology professor indicated that “exposure to sexist humor can lead to tolerance of hostile feelings and discrimination against women.” Yes, all those fancy words mean that people will think its ok to make jokes like this without the regards of another human’s feelings. That also means that people making the jokes will spread to other people, and then more people, and so forth. Sexist jokes not only allow men to berate women, but it also makes people think that sexist behavior is socially acceptable.

I don’t want to be told I belong in a kitchen, or to go “make you a sandwich.” I don’t want to be told that I am only good for making children and staying at home to care for the house. I want the full dollar opposed to the 77 cents I would make versus any male. I want women to feel empowered, and I want a movement to stop these sexist jokes and attitudes. Let’s try moving towards a society where we can live in harmony and make jokes that are funny without being offensive. What ever happened to “Knock, Knock? Who’s there? Apple.” or whatever the damn fruit was?

Work is needed to be done to actively make a change. That won’t happen without work. Women are not the stomping ground for some man to make jokes about domestic violence, or pay gaps, or sexual harassment. Last time I checked, these jokes are harassment and it needs to stop.

Actively LISTEN to the problems with these jokes is the first step. I believe in a world where one day offensive jokes will not exist—I’m just waiting to see it happen.

xxx-Meghan

Single on Valentine’s Day? No Problem

If you’re single on Valentine’s Day, you might think it is the worst thing in the world, right? You think about all your friends who have significant others, and listen to them brag about the dinner plans they have, or the night they have planned. It might suck, but trust me, it is not that bad—You will get through it, like I have.

I’m weird. I am single, and I still love Valentine’s Day for the most part. I mostly love the color pink, and I looove chocolate. I love, love too. I don’t think all single people need to mope around about the woes of being single—like stop and be happy please. It is supposed to celebrate all types of love.

Now if you are newly single, or have been single, you might want some things to do on the day that Cupid stabs everyone with those damn arrows. Here are some ideas:

 

1. Wine Night – Was the absence of wine even a question? It shouldn’t have been. Wine is essential to being single on Valentine’s Day. Get all the single la
   dies out and drink that Cab Sauv, or Rose. You deserve it—all of you!
2. Treat yourself to a Spa Day– Have you ever gotten a massage or facial? Well screw the ‘Couples Massage’ and get yourself an appointment at your nearest spa. Alone time isn’t always great if you are newly single, but trust me, you’ll forget about most of your Valentine’s Day blues. Just recently, I got my first massage ever at Massage Envy, and let me tell you, it was heaven! Make yourself feel special and get pampered.

If you can’t afford a Spa Day, go out to a store like Walmart or Target and get          yourself a ‘do it at home’ face mask, whip out your favorite nail polish, and get to pampering. Face masks go for under $5.00 and my favorite is Freeman Feeling Beautiful Avocado & Oatmeal Facial Clay Mask—I go through at least 4 tubes a year.

3. Girls Night In– This can go along with number 1, or you can set up a night with your girls and watch cheesy movies. Let’s face it; you’ll probably need wine anyways Get into your coziest sweater and sweats, break out the Ben and Jerry’s and popcorn, and turn on your fav movie. I may be too cheesy because I actually LOVE watching the movie Valentines Day  on the day of love. Kick back, relax, and stay in—face it, you need Chocolate Therapy ice cream in your life.
4. Do Something Drastic – I mean it. It could be anything, being drastic is different for everyone. Dye your hair, get a piercing, or go on an adventure across town (or to a different state…Valentines Day is on a weekend this year). Whatever it is, make it give you that natural high—trust me it’ll be worth it.
5. Buy ALL the 50% off Chocolate the Day After- OH MY GOSH. The year I realized this tradition was a thing was the best year of my life. The day after Valentines Day, every drug store will put the Valentine’s Day candy on sale for 50% off. That means all the chocolate you can possibly imagine for an extremely low price. I go hard on 50% off, and I have no shame. Maybe we can start getting liquor stores to start doing this too…

Well people, there you have it. If you’re feeling down about being single, or just downright hate Valentine’s Day, turn it into something more fun than sulking around or crying your eyes out to The Notebook. Trust me, your true love is out there, but for now your true love is Sunset Blush Franzia and that is OK.

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers!

xxx- Meghan

Adulting

I’m newly twenty-one, having fun, and living life– but all of this has a catch. 2016 brings the year of changes for my life and I’m not sure about how I feel about it yet.

Four years ago, I thought ‘twenty sixteen’ seemed so damn far away, but I was wrong. I was a young freshman (no really, I am kind of young for my class) in college, with not a care in the world, never thinking about the idea of someday. Now as a senior, someday is basically here, and life is about to really begin.

Twenty-one has brought twenty-fun, and in the short time I have started my twenties, like really starting my twenties, I’ve learned a lot as I have gone along. I write this blog in hopes to express my not-so secret tips on life, my successes, my failures, my ‘I need to blog about it’ moments, and I hope to share these with all of you. I’m excited; really, I even named my blog after myself (I was told that is a very adult thing to do).

So, as I write, I will try to find the meaning of “adulting.” Have you ever heard of this word? I think my friends and I might have made it up when talking about the act of being an adult. I used italicization because I think that’s the definition we came up with as well. I’m not sure if I’m ready for adulting, but each and everyday I come across something more mature than my being, and I take that as a sign I need to start.

Do I need to get an oil change? Probably. When do I start doing my taxes? Never (just kidding mom and dad). Do I really need this pair of $45 shoes? No. How long can I get away with paying the minimum on my credit card? AHHH, make the question stop. Yea, I am so not ready for adulting, but I am going to try, and you are going to watch me.

Here goes the rest of the journey– to infinity and beyond. (I forgot to mention I’m a total Disney nerd…)

Enjoy!

xxx- Meghan